Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Possibly the most disturbing product I've seen since getting knocked up

Um Really?

But these are just fun.

Science Teacher Rule #22

The cowardly response to any bad grade is to blame the teacher.

"It's because the teacher hates me."

B. to the S.

You may not understand what the teacher was wanting (ex. English essay) or the teacher may not have presented the information well. Neither of which is based on a personal vendetta. Now some teachers definitely hate some students. I've never gotten to that degree, mostly because I have rockin' awesome kids. Dislike may influence a few points here and there. But I'm sorry, if you do the math problem correctly or you bubble the right circle, you will not fail no matter how much the teacher hates you.

This excuse is not limited to students.

I was explaining to my A-hour how this is often learned from parents. "I think you just have a personal issue with my son/daughter." Riiiiiiiiiiiigggggght. Because they missed two weeks of work, didn't make up a single assignment, and currently have 1/2 the points, it's because I hate them. Most of the kids totally agreed that this logic is ridiculous. The others started publicly announcing all the teachers who have hated them over the years.

Student with a somewhat adorable lisp, then jovially responds, "My mom thinks you hate me...but she said she doesn't blame you."

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Better than a spam email

Remember what I said about teaching Jr. High making you a pervert? I bought these just for the package. Tehehe, package.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Science Teacher Rule #23

Teaching requires the use of coping strategies in order to maintain sanity.

Colleague who would retire if insurance wasn't so expensive:
"G, do you know where Bio Teacher is?"

Me: in a whisper "Um I think he's hiding"

Colleague: "What?"

Me: whispering a little louder "I think he's hiding to avoid someone a certain someone."

Colleague: "What? Just a second, I have cotton in my ears." removes literal cotton from ears

Me: chuckle with a look of perplexity

Colleague: "Sorry, my kids have been driving me nuts today. They're making babies* today and they are so LOUD!"

Me: "Colleague, you have some cotton stuck in your hair."

*It's a common genetics lesson with Punnett Squares. Yes, we still call it making babies even to students. It's called anticipatory set. And yes, some of them are probably making babies the old fashioned way too, but we try not to think about that.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Science Teacher Rule #72

The food pyramid is a complex classification system. Thankfully it is not in my general science curriculum, but on occasion I will try to further the mission of the USDA.

"Wait, lettuce is a vegetable? Seriously?"

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Science Teacher Rule #25

Keep a small variety of interesting science toys on your desk.

I have a 3d image with the glasses, a gyroscope, and a small newton's cradle. The toys promote a little independent science interest while students are waiting to ask a question or get my attention. However, to touch ANYTHING on my desk, I insist they ask first. This prevents them from touching equipment or chemicals and breaking things.

Who am I kidding, prevents SOME touching and breaking of things. The corn syrup and maple syrup disaster of '08 are a testament of that. My density lesson plans never recovered.

Anyways, today a student phrased his request in quite an interesting way

Image from here

"Can I touch your balls?"

If only teachers could sue the students for the things they say.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Science Teacher Rule #60

Whenever teaching gets rough, remember, there is always three day weekend or some sort of break a few weeks away.

And since a certain appendix messed up our Hawaii plans, we found ourselves with some airfare credit that needs to be used up by next June.

7 months pregnant is easier to travel than a 6 month newborn right?


I'm basing this on the sheer fact that I am in complete control of the little one's volume at the moment. And traveling for leisure can't be any worse than teaching jr high.

Originally I thought to take advantage of fall carribean cruise rates. That was until I found out about the terrible discrimination. Did you know you can't cruise after 24 weeks prego? BAH! It used to be later, but the darn cruise industry changed it. The vacation whose main focus is eating and lounging around is now denied to the woman who's main focus is eating and lounging around. It's an outrage!

(Now before you all get yourselves in a tizzy, remember I'm not an excessive worrier. I find many of the guidelines in the U.S. for pregnant women to be overly cautious. For example, women in Japan have been eating sushi pregnant for centuries and still recommended to by their doctors. Current French recommendation say limit alcohol to one drink a week instead of going completely dry. Half the over the counter medications the books say to avoid, my doctor said were fine. I still follow the "rules" mostly because I don't want to risk the mental torture is something did go wrong. I still think many are silly. So yes, I would "risk" having a baby in Jamaica, but I risk having a car accident and killing us both everyday. Que sera, sera. Just be cautious and reasonable.)

Anyways, plan B. I've always wanted to love New York in the fall. Now I get a chance. So all of you well seasoned travelers, what was your number 1 favorite thing you did in the City? What should I make sure to include in my next adventure?

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Science Teacher Rule #62

Gifted classes have a different dynamic.

You can hear such interesting phrases from 13 year old 8th graders like,

"Surely you jest!"

In other junior high fun, the quick eye flick from my boobs back to my face has now been replaced with an eye flick to my belly back to my face. Strange, considering my boobs are rivaling a pornstar's. Thankfully it is waaaaaaaaaaaay weirder to think your teacher's hot when she's a person and a half.

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