Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Crazies and Prizes! But not Crazy Prizes

Baby girl is due dec 21. I've been getting vibes that she is going to make her appearance before then. I'm trying to decide if it was intuition or wishful thinking. I've been mostly basing it on how often I found myself fighting the Crazies. The Crazies are the surges of hormones that lead to irrationality, be it due to low blood sugar, pregnancy, sleep deprivation, etc. Thankfully I have this little dry, librarian-like voice that lives in the back of my head and tells me when an emotional response is not warranted given the situation. The voice allows me to keep the Crazies at bay pretty well. I even had several students remark on how they have never seen me get upset. And let me tell you, that is an accomplishment when you deal with 150 freshmen students on a daily basis.

I feel bad for those without the librarian voice. While it may sound very schizo, the librarian also catalogs the loads of useless information floating around. So when I called my students chickadees, and a few asked me what the heck a chickadee was, the librarian spouts off "a little bird that lives in the South." I had no active knowledge of this information and would have totally botched it on Jeopardy. My active brain would have said, a synonym for little children. It took awhile but experience has taught me that the librarian is accurate about 95% of the time. I googled chickadee and it is a bird, but I didn't find anything saying it lived in the South.

What's that you say? You already knew I was odd and should probably be on some kind of anti-psychotic medication? Things like this you shouldn't confess on a public blog to the world? Bah! Be that way. Me and the librarian voice will go play trivial pursuit off by ourselves...

Anyways, back to the epic War of the Crazies 2010, also known as Growing a Fetus 101, How to Live When Sleeping, Eating, and Exercise are Ruined, or That Time I Got Knocked Up. While me and the librarian have been working overtime to prevent the throwing of objects, verbal abuse to strangers, and crocodile tears, Baby J has decided her alien like movements need a larger audience.

Ladies and grossed out Gentlemen, may I declare 70% effacement and 2cm dilation! And yes, if you clicked the link because you are living in the blissful world of pregnancy ignorance, all biological related details of having a baby are disgusting.

So we are going to have a little contest to let you share in the world of excitement that is ruptured membranes and mucus plugs. Guess my baby's bday correctly and you win a prize! Only one guess per person. You may have the same guess as someone else. You may put in a request for a specific prize.

I have no idea what the prize will be. It can be something crafty you'd like to commission from me (I always love those!) or perhaps and invitation to the giant carbohydrate-filled celebration commemorating the end of my diabetes. I am open to suggestions.

AND you can submit a guess up to when I announce I'm going into labor. Don't be shy! I have no problems shipping a prize to a random stranger in India who enjoys reading my ramblings and schizophrenic confessions.

Good luck!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Science Teacher rule #80

Somehow, kids really do learn some wit.

I asked a kid to take these off. Image from here

"But Mrs. Anderson, these are my reading glasses. Get it?"

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Remember that time when I didn't blog for a bit?

I would apologize, but there is no reason. Blogging without obligation is my mantra. I don't have any science teacher rules but maybe that's a good thing. I only have 3.5 weeks of teaching left so I'll have to wean my poor readers off them. Don't despair though, I'm sure massive sleep deprivation will make me more amusing. Or dead.

Until then, I will try to get around to writing about 1) my very first suns game, 2)my spiffy new camera, 3) the overwhelming generosity from a baby shower, 4) the awesome steal I got on car seats and strollers, 5) my crazy manipulative dog.

But those may or may not happen since I've developed a slight addiction to Plants vs Zombies.


(that only makes sense if you've played the game. The zombies walk around saying it in a very humorous voice. Yes, jokes are lame if you have to explain them. Sorry.)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Science Teacher Rule #40

The way teenagers deal with their problems is different than adults.

Bob: Haha you're so dumb Joe.

Joe: What was that Bob?

Bob: You heard me *chin tilt*

Joe: What? You wanna go? *stands up*

Bob: Yeah I wanna go *stands up*

Joe: Alright let's go *tension builds*

Unison: "Rock, Paper, Scissors, go!"

If only all conflict resolution were so easy.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Science Teacher Rule #35

No one ever assumes it was the teacher who farted.

One more lovely lifestyle addition to being pregnant is uncontrollable flatulence. I was walking between the rows of my students this week and boom! One slips out. Because of the sitting to standing height ratios, I definitely farted right on the back of a girl's head. If she was turned around, it would have been right in her face.

No one said a word.

Either A) they didn't notice or B) they were trying to protect their poor anonymous friend from embarrassment.

There are definitely some perks about being the teacher :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Science Teacher Rule #73

Lower your expectations for jr high geography knowledge.

When asked, "What is a country you'd like to visit?" the following were popular answers


None of which are countries. Hopefully you already knew, although I did have to look up Jabuti myself.

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