The Narcissism Epidemic

I was cruising a website and they had linked to this book

 

It seems like it would be an interesting read. The person who posted about it asked if the internet breeds narcissism. We have so many outlets to talk about ourselves, tell everyone about our lives, post pictures, etc. I'm not sure if I agree or disagree. I think people have always been rather obsessed with themselves since the beginning of time. Everyone likes to share things they are interested in. Read Shakespeare or Homer and look at the dialogue. In Jane Austen work, the characters have to find a socially acceptable way to work their own accomplishments into conversation with various amounts of decorum. Now we have facebook and blogs as a way to do the same but it doesn't have the same problem of inconveniencing your listener. I figure the person reading a facebook post has in a way solicited you for information about your life. By looking at a blog, they want to know what you are going to say or what's happening in your life. I think interest in other people's lives is as inherent as interest in one's self. Which is why I have trouble when people are critical of someone's facebook posts or blog. YOU chose to add them as a friend or look at their site. Why complain that they shared what they ate for breakfast? If you dislike what they are saying, remove them or stop reading. How is this different from sending a letter telling about the current events in your life?

I try and remember that when I start thinking my blog is so self-involved. Often I feel a little dumb because I can sum up my content as "Look what I made! Look at my kid! Look what I did!"But I don't force anyone to read it. I love to read when other people write content of the same. It's my site and I can write what I like right? In conversation I try and be careful about what can be construed as bragging ever since 4th grade when Melanie told Maren she didn't like me because I bragged too much. It floored me because I had no idea what she meant. It was the first time I realized my happiness and excitement over accomplishing something was offensive to others. I always felt bragging involved trying to tear someone else's accomplishments down or imply superiority. Since that was never my intention, I never thought I was bragging. Then came the realization that the exact same thing said to close friends and family, met with happiness and congratulations, is construed differently among those of less acquaintance and met with disdain. Or hate. I never heard more people tell me they hated me than after a teacher notified the class I had the highest grade on a test.

Bzzagent sent me a free Kindle book called, "Do the Work" (free here) and it had the much used quote by Marianne Williamson.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Isn't that sort of saying that you should share what you are proud of and happy with? Doesn't that allow others to be beautiful and brilliant also? When I see someone's achievements, or projects, or travels, more often then not it inspires me to do something beautiful or fun as well. Sometimes it makes me feel a little inadequate, but more often than not I just enjoy sharing with that person.


Imagine if all the great artists and writers didn't show their talents? If no one shared photos of Greece, I probably would never had the desire to go and would have missed out on experiencing the wonderful culture.


So what draws the line and makes sharing narcissistic?




Is it subjective and based on the self-esteem of the audience? Probably some. If the reader knew they could do the same thing or go the same place, I think there is less resentment. I think fewer people would interpret information as bragging if the listener was a highly confident person.

Or is narcissism when the person loses complete interest in the lives of others? How does one judge that?



Now as far as self-entitlement goes, I agree it plagues my generation and the upcoming one. Is it a product of the internet though? I don't necessarily think so. I'd have to read the book to see the arguments. I think we see the lives of others and want to share ours as well. I don't think I should be entitled to run a marathon like my friend this weekend because I haven't put the training in she has. I know if I want to drive a fancy car or go somewhere exotic, I have to work and save to do it.


So what breeds entitlement?


I think it is fostering victimization. So many times I've heard, "I'm failing because my math teacher hates me." Kids would give up and feel it was just cruel life; they were the victim of circumstance. I'd tell them it is impossible for a kid to fail when they had all the right answers on all of the tests. And even if they thought the teacher hated them, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! They never stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, their actions could influence a teacher's opinion. Do you show up on time? Do you listen when the teacher talks? Are you respectful? Are you kind? Do you put in your maximum effort?


No, you are simply entitled to everyone's good opinion and an easy A. I feel that thinking is encouraged when people look to change the outside stimulus instead of what is directly in their personal influence. Instead of blaming the cop for being a jerk and giving you a ticket, maybe look internally and think, maybe I shouldn't have been speeding, even if it was only 3 miles over the speed limit. Yet how do you teach that kind of thinking to kids when there are real issues like prejudice out there?


I don't know, maybe I'm way off base. What do you all think?