Saturday, March 19, 2011


I've come to the conclusion that motherhood is 30% awesome and 70% awful. This is an improvement from this morning when I would have been willing to tattoo a 10%-90% ratio on top of my still bright purple stretch marks. But after a nice long walk I've come to the 30% conclusion. And considering J peed all over my brand new shirt during this walk, I feel it is fairly generous that I didn't drop it to 5%. Although, since I bought the shirt that fit my lovehandles and the giant rack, it isn't very cute. They don't make shirts that do that and look cute. Well they might, but they probably require wearing something other than a sports bra and let's just admit to the fact that anything else is not worth the gymnastics required when I feed baby girl every 60 heartbeats.

So I didn't really mind that she peed on it. And regurgitated a pint of sour smelling, half digested milk on it too. 

And for all of you who have kept telling me "it gets better" for the past 3 months, I have a word for you.

Lies. Absolute lies.  At least until I see some sort of proof.

It has just gotten steadily worse in these last two weeks. She gave me just enough consecutive hours of sleep consistently to make me think I hadn't destroyed my favorite life pursuits. Then she snatched the dreams (both literal and figurative) away from me. It may be due to what appears to be chiclets emerging on the roof of J's mouth. Which brings to mind another mathematical relationship:

Now I almost didn't type all this because I'm sure I'll be inundated with yet more advise or good-natured offers of help. But I figured I should post it anyways to balance all the pretty happy posts I make about my life. And to forewarn any who might have forgotten that babies are terrible. When they aren't sleeping at least. They're kinda cute when they are sleeping.

Now I just keep telling myself that it could be worse. I could still be pregnant with one leg a 1/2 inch shorter than the other because my hips are so off (not an exaggeration. Ask the chiropractor. I've been seeing him more than some members of my family).

Or even worse.

I could be pregnant again.


ACW said...

I love a good angry post. You rock. And I kind of love that it's okay to hate motherhood. I just need to find the club that hates marriage. I'm ready for a new husband. Seriously.

Jackijo said...

I admire your courage to say it out loud, or at least post it for your friends and family to see. I was one to scribble pages in a journal and then put it away. I swear a blood oath not to give you any unsolicited advice.

Angela said...

Stockholm syndrome. That’s how I explain motherhood.

(Nate has been rubbing and gnawing on things with his bottom gums the past trhee days. CRAP.)

Lauren said...

Well waking up to this post totally made my day. And this is not advice - but not all babies are created equal. I swear my second baby was a million trillion times easier than my first. But I'm still afraid to have a third because of the possibility it will be like the first.

And you are so right. Breastfeeding got easier, but everything else - harder, and harder. Someone told me once "When you have little kids you have little problems, when you have big kids you have big problems." I think it grows proportionately. Okay that's starting to sound like unsolicited advice. What I'm trying to say is - I agree. I've so been there. Motherhood is hard. Some days I defined success by keeping my child alive for 24 hours. That was enough.

kelly said...

Oh dear no. I'd never tell you it's not tough. It stinks. And then it gets harder when you think it's getting better.

And at the risk of being one of "those people" - it actually does get better. A lot better. And worse, defiantly worse.

Katie said...

I'm sorry J is being hard on you! I love that you are always so honest...this kind of a post makes mothers everywhere feel better about the fact that they've thought/said/felt these things too. And I love the last line of Kelly's comment, and I agree:)

Jami said...

I am seriously laughing. Spencer walked in to see why I was laughing so hard!
It's just that I TOTALLY relate to the last part of this story (you know the being pregnant part). I walk funny because my hips are completely off, and it makes it very hard to walk, or move without wanting to cry. AND since I am 34 weeks pregnant I pretty much think there is nothing worse than being this much pregnant with only MORE pregnancy to look forward too.
AND thanks a lot for reminding me about newborns!

j & s said...

haha the women that talk about how it gets easier are the same ones that talk about how they forgot about all the pain from labor/pregnancy and newborn fun. HA! my kid is over 2 and i havent forgotten that is why im TERRIFIED to have another kid.

jeanene c said...

Sounds like your Mom has been neglecting you.

Lindsey said...

Aw... I's sorry. Sadly, I don't have any unwanted advice for you :) especially seeing as I'm not a mom yet.

Braden said...

Brief: my wife clung to sanity and gave up on breastfeeding, and is now willingly pregnant again. After the first year, it's pretty good.

Bree Flake said...

ahahah you are so funny. Maybe you didn't mean to be because stretch marks, love handles, non cute/cute cover up shirts, spit up, pee, lack of sleep etc. is not really funny when your smack dab in the middle of it. But... I'm right there with ya sista! You are not alone!! Keep on treckin on!


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