Growing Pains

Me: Husband, I'm going to buy seeds. Anything in particular you'd like me to plant?
Husband: What are you planting?
Me: Tomatoes, squash, cilantro, basil and carrots
Husband: Hmm. Can we have a meat garden?

Def: Cruelty

cru·el·ty  (krl-t)

n. pl. cru·el·ties

1. The quality or condition of being cruel.

2. Something, such as a cruel act or remark, that causes pain or suffering.

3. Law The infliction of physicWhen baby staral or mental distress, especially when considered a determinant in granting a divorce

4. When your baby is finally sleeping through most of the night, but you have consistent insomnia 

5. When you finally fall asleep at 2am only to wake up puking at 4am.

P.S. Nursing is dehydrating on it's own. And even worse when you can't even handle ice chips. And did I mention my baby doesn't take a bottle? Or a pacifier? Or a regular nap? Thankfully my mom took her so my sweetie can give me gatorade while I watch my stomach do a most remarkable twitching that Shakira would be jealous of. 

It made my stomach hurt

This was the funniest thing of the weekend for me. That and I saw a dead javelina in the median. Sad that it amused me eh? Hopefully you like this. It's funnier if you've ever listened to a kid tell a story. Thanks sister for sharing!

Comfortable

Don't knock it 'till you try it.

Lies

I've come to the conclusion that motherhood is 30% awesome and 70% awful. This is an improvement from this morning when I would have been willing to tattoo a 10%-90% ratio on top of my still bright purple stretch marks. But after a nice long walk I've come to the 30% conclusion. And considering J peed all over my brand new shirt during this walk, I feel it is fairly generous that I didn't drop it to 5%. Although, since I bought the shirt that fit my lovehandles and the giant rack, it isn't very cute. They don't make shirts that do that and look cute. Well they might, but they probably require wearing something other than a sports bra and let's just admit to the fact that anything else is not worth the gymnastics required when I feed baby girl every 60 heartbeats.

So I didn't really mind that she peed on it. And regurgitated a pint of sour smelling, half digested milk on it too. 

And for all of you who have kept telling me "it gets better" for the past 3 months, I have a word for you.



Lies. Absolute lies.  At least until I see some sort of proof.

It has just gotten steadily worse in these last two weeks. She gave me just enough consecutive hours of sleep consistently to make me think I hadn't destroyed my favorite life pursuits. Then she snatched the dreams (both literal and figurative) away from me. It may be due to what appears to be chiclets emerging on the roof of J's mouth. Which brings to mind another mathematical relationship:






Now I almost didn't type all this because I'm sure I'll be inundated with yet more advise or good-natured offers of help. But I figured I should post it anyways to balance all the pretty happy posts I make about my life. And to forewarn any who might have forgotten that babies are terrible. When they aren't sleeping at least. They're kinda cute when they are sleeping.

Now I just keep telling myself that it could be worse. I could still be pregnant with one leg a 1/2 inch shorter than the other because my hips are so off (not an exaggeration. Ask the chiropractor. I've been seeing him more than some members of my family).

Or even worse.

I could be pregnant again.

Aloha

I have a cousin who is a master at finding cool things in the valley to take her kids to. So in an effort to be more like my fbi agent transracial adopting cousin, we met up at Tempe's aloha festival on Saturday. I highly recommend it.

Target diapers are not worth the savings

But at least j has the comedic timing to do it when I'm out visiting a friend.

Girls Scout Cookies

I was perusing my bookmarked pages the other day and found a recipe for girl scout cookies I had never been able to try out. And since it tis the season for $5 a box cookies a present to you Fijis, Slim Mints, and Left Behinds. They taste exactly the same and since you get around 40 to a batch, you can eat a ton! Whether or not you should is another story.

My tips:
1) Dump some powdered sugar in your bag of coconut, shake, then broil on a cookie sheet to toast it.
2) Ignore all the intense chocolate directions. I just dumped a bunch of chocolate chips in the mini crockpot that is usually used for cheese dips at parties. Works like a dream. Then I pour milk in it to clean it out and have fantastic hot chocolate
3) When it says not to let caramel in the center of the Fijis, listen. They stick really bad to the wax paper.
4) Cut out the shortbread a little smaller than you think the cookie should be because it looks bigger after dipped in chocolate
5) They really do take around 4hrs if you include refrigeration time
6) They are easier to make when baby is asleep.

 

Enjoy!

Boy Toys

I discovered this site called One Pretty Thing when I was looking for valentine ideas. It has waaaaaay too many things I want to make. I found this tutorial for the coolest little felt house

that turns into a car mat!

And since my friend Mel is having a boy, I had so much fun making it Mesa themed. Do you recognize these places?

Totally John's brilliant idea

It takes about a yard of green felt and since I found it at SAS for $2.75/yd I bought a bunch. I spent $5 on sheets of felt only to find my mom's big box of felt scraps. The most expensive part was the interfacing that was about $6. I want to make another one so if anybody out there wants to come have a craft party you can come get felt for FREE! Oh and did I mention there is ZERO sewing involved? Tacky glue is a wonderful thing :)

Saturday Steal: Ugly cardigan

I love me some ugly awesome thrift store finds. I normally beeline it to the furniture and home goods section in thrift stores because I have issues paying $6 for a shirt someone else has worn. That is my typical price for new items because I'm so cheap and having an on going love affair with Ross. And all the faded junk intimidates me too much to hunt for the jewels. However on this last excursion, I had the bambino and it made me stop in the children's section for the first time. I found this gem in the newborn section. AND it was the appropriate color tag so it was half off $3!

Just ugly enough to break the two pattern rule

Mom swimsuits are cool

I don't think my age is who they are marketing to.

Love Bamboo

When we first got married, I decorated our little studio apartment in an asian theme. I've told ya, I think I was born on the wrong continent. Plus it gave me a chance to display my Japan memorabilia. Well it was just meant to be that Target had a bamboo themed bathroom set that matched my free Dillard's towels. One our first newly wed trip to Ikea, I spotted real, living Lucky Bamboo. It promised to bring luck and happiness to our home and what 20 year old bride could pass that up?

And so our Love bamboo was born.

In "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days" fashion, it has become symbolic of our marital union. Mostly because I got it when we first got married and it has been the longest living plant I've ever had the care of. Over the past 4.5 years it has lived in our 300 sq ft studio, the 600 sq ft apartment, been babysat by friends during summer internships, and currently graces the kitchen table of our first house.

And now I hope this isn't portentous of marital strife.

J's blessing

 Like Mother

 Like Daughter

The same dress, with a bit more spit-up

My dad's stache is for a boy scouting thing. I can't look at him without laughing

The grandparents

The great grandparents

While I was scanning my baby pics I found this one of my sister. You can see what her daughter would look like blonde

Def: Crib

crib  (krb)

n.

1. A bed with high sides for a young child or baby.

2.

a. A small building, usually with slatted sides, for storing corn.

b. A rack or trough for fodder; a manger.

c. A stall for cattle.

3. A small crude cottage or room.

4. Slang One's home.

5. A framework to support or strengthen a mine or shaft.

6. A wicker basket.

7.

a. A petty theft.

b. Plagiarism.

c. See pony.

8. Games A set of cards made up from discards by each player in cribbage, used by the dealer.

9. Where baby J has successfully completed a full night's 5 hr sleep for the first time in her 2.5 month life.

Look! Pj's that are long enough and skinny enough for J. Maybe there is a benefit to the skinny jean trend

It gives me hope that someday I can travel without hauling the baby swing