Science Teacher Rule #93

Teaching junior high makes you a pervert.


You have to start looking for double entendres in the most innocent of phrases. It is an occupational necessity so you do not lose your audience by saying something easily misconstrued. Most of the time I keep my little giggles internal so as to maintain a sense of maturity.

I generally consider myself pretty good at catching the phrases that cause intermittent giggles in my students. But last week, I proved my own naivety. A term that has been so incredibly common in science, I never once caught the humorous meaning.

The Big Bang.

Really? I had never caught that before? I was terribly disappointed in myself. In past years it was never a problem. It may be that this year is a slightly rougher crowd, but I blame the new movie I showed that had this quite memorable quote:



"We want to know what banged, why it banged, and will it bang again."

Probably offensive

I'm going to diverge from my standard humorous school anecdotes for the moment. Beware, my musings have taken a political turn.

Don't worry, it's non-confrontational, but I understand if you don't want to read. We can still be friends and we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming in the next post. Curious? Keep going.



First, how many of you feel the media often misreports information or reports with a bias?

(Wow! Look at all the hands raised!)


Second, how many of you are unhappy with the government in some way?

(Look, still lots of hands!)


Now, where do the majority of people get their information about the government?

Oh. The media. Right.
Please refer to question number one.


Now don't get me wrong, I love our free speech and how it is our lovely right to B and M about the government whenever and however we please. I'm completely ok with anyone saying how terrible the whatever is and the something is going to ruin the country and how what's his face is the devil incarnate. I often agree, but PEOPLE! please keep in mind that our method of getting information is inherently flawed. Excessive angry emotion tends to forget that most of the information we receive is not primary evidence. I have a hard time making any absolute judgments on parts of the process I do not have direct access to.

Now despite what I just said, angry political opinions don't bother me too much because, hey everyone can have their opinion. Even if I think it is silly on how much people base their emotions on flawed information. My real issue here is civic duty. Today was the AZ state primaries.


If you want the right to complain, you need to vote first.


"But my vote doesn't even matter." Yeah, but if you really think that way, you should also say your heated opinion doesn't matter either. Therefore you should keep your opinion to yourself, like your vote.

"But all the politicians are corrupt so I don't vote for any." Well you have two choices, vote for the lesser evil and try and do some good, or run for some office yourself.

"I don't have time to research the issues so it's better if I just don't vote." I could buy that argument, but if you don't have time to learn about the issues, how do you even form an opinion about them in the first place? Choose one issue or political office you care about and learn about that one, even with the flawed info we have access too. Better than nothing.

"I can't make it to the polling place." Early ballot, yo. They are awesome. And it gives you around three weeks to procrastinate. Plus they mail you the sticker too. And honestly, with all of my high and mighty ideals, the sticker really helps motivate me.



So people, go vote.
Secure your right to complain.
Don't like how things are going? Use one of your few ways to do something about it.

Science Teacher Rule #20

Students are really fun to mess with


Student: Mrs. Anderson, when are you going to have your baby?

Me: You think I look pregnant? (Incredulous look)

*everyone alternates looks at the girl with looks at my tummy*

Student: (unsure now) um, well, Mr. Simon said you were.

Me: Mr. Simon thinks I'm pregnant??!

Students: um..

Me: Mr. Simon's right. December :)


*chaotic eruption on talking*

*chaotic suggestions of future names*

*chaotic questions on if they'll have a sub*

*chaotic confession that everyone's been talking about it for days, but no one wanted to ask*



*Swearing to secrecy so I can mess with my other hours and have even more fun*


P.S. It's a little lady :)

Science Teacher Rule #33

Junior High kids are in the middle of musical discovery.

They often have great tunes before they hit mass media, and the best stuff that never will hit the radio. And they love any way to express themselves. It told them on the first day how they can bring in music that we can listen to after I preview it for clean content and lyrics. I also mentioned how one of my favorite things is to get a "Mrs. Anderson Mix" from students. In the past I have been introduced to some interesting ukulele music, Swedish pop, and some of my new favorite punk bands.


Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new record.

Within the first 24 hours of teaching and I have already received a personalized mix cd with such eclectic songs as Ch-ch-cha Changes and the lastest American Idol debut.

"I was bored last night so I made you a cd. My mom said I should put Weezer on there too so I did."


It's going to be a good year.

Science Teacher Rule #1

Teaching is hard.


But man, it sure is fun.

Oh what do you do in the summer time, the clean version (with a little nudity)

Where were we?

Oh yes, chronicling the days of my spent summer. I'm not sure this is particularly good for my psyche considering I returned back to work today. I'm not really one to mourn the past, more of a look to the future kind of girl.

Ha.

Well I'd like to be that girl. Someday. Like when I can look into the past and remember what a joy and treasure it was to return to work, enlightening minds, changing the world one perfect student at a time. *sigh* It is just heart warming.

Bleh.

Since today is not that day, we will dive into the nostalgic past that was my awesome summer.

So after the awesome camping on the beach, mooching off everyone else's well-planned and thought out food and camping gear, I returned home to my dear husband. Did I mention I went all these adventures sans mi amour? By this time I really missed him, although the highlight of Cali was sitting on the beach, in my chair, with nothing but my book and the breeze. (I think I may be a closet loner.) (Oh and I had a swim suit. Lest you all think I'm a closet nudist too. But if you are naked when no one else is around, are you still considered a nudist? Wouldn't that make almost everyone a nudist? These are the thoughts that plague me. When I'm alone and nude in a closet.)

(Parts of me wonder if people are actually catching the humor when I write things like that or if they think it's truth. Like those students who honestly believe I'm 45. Or the ones that contrary to logic believed me when I said "I hate kids.")

Anyways. Get home, hug hug kiss kiss sleep sleep clean clean. This is what Maiden Names do in the summer time. We clean. Forget spring cleaning, that's for people who still have to wear a light jacket in March and April. Summer is the time when you have your brood of children as forced labor.

And since forced labor sounds more like something I'll do in December, I did my cleaning solo. For those thinking that cleaning the house should take maybe a day or two, let the enumeration of projects begin.


I hand scrubbed my tile (#25 on the list) I cleaned and cleaned out the fridge (#27) I washed my cabinets (#29) I even put dishware in those cupboards the day they were cleaned, instead of waiting to empty the dishwasher until I had no more cereal bowls left. I was on such a roll that I washed, dried, folded, and put away laundry IN THE SAME DAY! REGULARLY! Oh the luxuries of a teacher's summer!

I rented a machine and cleaned my carpets (#15). Which involved moving all that furniture By My Self. (This is what greeted the missionaries when they came over for dinner that night. I felt no shame in having my guests move the furniture back for me. Oh, and I did my sisters while I had the machine so split the cost.)

I also recaulked the bathtub (#28) All of the products shown were FREE! Thank you bzzagent. P.S. I like the Dove conditioner better than the Aveeno, and I had me some mighty brand loyalty to the colloidal oatmeal company)

I organized/cleaned my studio (#26) Notice the teacup collection is now complete. I shot my dog after she peed on my clean carpet (#21). Well, technically I had someone else do it, to comply with local vaccination requirements. But it really was after she peed on my newly cleaned carpets.

And I had my giant messy mesquite trimmed and ripped out the small one that routinely littered on the neighbors yard. But since I paid to have it done (didn't fancy going on top of my roof to trim the tree even if I had the tools) I felt I shouldn't post a picture.

Actually it's because it would require going outside to take the picture and that means I'd have to put on enough clothes to be presentable.


Unless, of course, I want to make those nudist rumors a reality :)

Oh what do you do in the summer time?

I love when people ask me what I do over the summer. I get a really big smile and say, "Whatever the H*** I want." Of course, I omit the H for some audiences. It is very satisfying and makes me rejoice that I'm a teacher. Because really, during the summer I do whatever I feel like. Even if that includes watching full seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in waaaay too short a period. (It makes for some crazy dreams, in case you find yourself hooked on netflix streaming as well.)

But I know some people really truly want to know how you spend two months of free time, other than proving Twilight was not the beginning of vampire fiction by viewing multiple seasons of Joss Whedon's 90's imagination.

Also, I want documentation that I did cool stuff when I had, you know, money, time, freedom, and flat abs without stretch marks. So here is the 30 things I had written in The Book of Lists. The festivities began shortly after John parted with his sweet and loving appy.

"Things to Summer 2010" (Apparently I didn't have enough brain power to use all the necessary words when I started this list in March)

1) Girls Camp- Way different as a stake leader. Organized the hard hike (5 miles, five hours, 50ft chain to help up one of the cliffs), watched my YCL's totally mess up teaching certification *face palm* (WE PRACTICED THIS! Failure's good for character building though, right?), helped out with all the big events, had my hair braided into a hundred braids, and had about 14 hrs sleep total for the four days. Forgot my camera, and really didn't care because I was happy to be finally done with meetings :)

Get home, shower, go to baptism, repack suitcase, sleep 9 hours, and go on

2) Virginia Road trip- I'm a professional roadtripper. This means that I go on road trips with friends and they buy me tickets to fly home. This is my third time so I officially consider it a side business. I went with my old friend Katie Abbott, who was working there for the summer and had recently returned from her mission. Posing with the Pepe bread in this random little city in Tenessee, complete with small town TN accents.

We drove to Albuquerque the first day and stayed with my buddy Brian. The next day we heard the funniest thing from the GPS, "Get on the I-40 and continue for 1007 miles." And that was just to Memphis. We did find a lovely diner around 12am where I learned the true meaning of bacon. We plugged on Harrisonburg, VA after that. And let me tell you, I used to think that Texas was eternal, Tennesse about killed me it lasted forever. Of course we drive it at a diagonal...

After merry o Virginny, Katie drives me to DC where I spend the next four days hanging out with my old roommate Dantzel and her new roommates whom I have adopted as friends. John and I had visited her last October and did the touristy stuff so this time I spent a day reading in the hammock and trying out the Japanese soaking tub. Oh and checking out the firefly show in the backyard that would rival the Princess and the Frog. The rest of the trip was spent doing things like jet skiing on the Potomac, meeting Okapi while eating at the famous Ben's Chilli Bowl, wandering around Alexandria and seeing a guy play the "glass organ" outside the Old Torpedo Factory, the National Zoo, hitting up Eastern Market and eating delicious crepes while rummaging through the flea market, and going to the concert hosted by the Denmark ambassador featuring Little Red Suitcase, held in a little art gallery on U street. I recommend the Fairfax/DC area for anyone you know who is graduated college and single. The LDS scene there is one happening place full of intelligent, fun, event planning people who all seem to have finished grad school.

After flying home first class, I slept a day, did laundry, and packed again.

This time I drove to the other coast to camp in Carlsbad, CA on the beach. It was a Castillo fam adventure and I again, did not bring my camera. But here's a stolen pic of Alicia and my cousin's daughter to illustrate the perfect beach. To be continued...