To the kind man sitting near us in church

I appreciate your desire to interact with my highly adventurous one year old. Little did you know that your gesture of an extended hand, palm up actually is actually sign language in our family. It means "spit out whatever contraband you have been squirreling in your cheeks before you choke or I will be shoving my finger in there to retrieve it." I'm sorry I couldn't tell you that before my son divulged the 6 half-eaten pretzels into your outstretched hand. You handled my awkward babywipe cleaning of your hand with aplomb. And if it any consolation, the other couple next to you found the whole episode quite diverting. Thankfully, we are not members of your congregation and you will most likely never have to interact with us again.

Sincerely,

The Mom That Would Be Mortified If That Was Anywhere Near The Most Embarrassing Thing My Kids Have Done

(it's not)




In other "funny, now but not exactly funny then" moments at church this week, my two year old had a full-on melt down requiring immediate extrication from the building. This level is even too much for the foyer so we go outside for our tight love hug. (I believe the catalyst was my insistence that she put her shoes back on. I won the street fight that morning over the necessity of wearing underwear and I think I got cocky). After a rather impressive cat-like yowl, she went back to words instead of screams and groans. She had exhausted the "You're holding me too tight!" and "It hurts! My arm!" and "Daddy!" (sometimes she gives a false start and names the parent holding her before realizing her mistake and it is a cry of Mo-Daddy!). So she started in on a new refrain and began yelling, "Nothing's working!" at the top of her lungs to give vent to her frustration that, indeed,  all of her attempts to wiggle away were for naught. After the 600th calm reiteration that we could go back in when she was ready to be a good listener and reverent, she emphatically told me, "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!"

Even in the moment I had to laugh, even though I would have much rather been enjoying air conditioning. That little girl of mine is too funny!