Saturday, March 6, 2010

I miss him

I delved into my old e-mail address from jr high and high school. I found dozens of emails me and Jamie wrote when he was in the Navy. I feel like I'm "supposed" to be over grieving but I still search out pieces of him. I like this email because it makes my sadness feel justified because he felt as close to me as I felt to him.

That probably doesn't make sense, but really, it doesn't have to.

Family, this is for you.

...Life is good though, all things
considered. I miss you and the rest of your family.
I'm assuming Alicia is back home now, but I haven't
heard from her, so that's all I can really do.
I can't wait to go back and see everyone. See how
much your house has changed. It's funny, your home
is kinda symbolic of how much things have changed with
time. With your 1442 N. Spring, I can see the changes.
I can see the growth and improvement. Can't really
see the faults, but you guys don't have many anyways.
However, all those people who live there, their
change is a lot harder to see. I still see you as
Al's kid sister going to Kino with her agenda. That
is how my mind still see's you that is. It's the same
with all your siblings. Keith and Todd still go to WW
and play football. Elena is still in Elementary
school! Now, those are just easily understood ranks in
childhood, but you as individual people are at that same
level. Sure you've grown a bit in my mind, but more or less,
that's where you've been. I know you are all grown
up now,but for some reason I just can't see it. So
in a way, your house and it's evolution reminds me
of how you guys have all moved onward and upward.
I know it sounds silly, but that is my biggest reminder.
I can see it when your mom writes me or tells me
what your dad's doing in the back yard or what she's
doing in the garden. I can... in a way, know that you
and your brothers and sisters are no longer at those
stations in life my mind remembers you at. Sorry,
I'm not exactly sure where that came from. Anyhow,
I hope you're doing fantastic and you're settling in
well. I miss you Geevz! Have a great time and do
good in school (like I need to remind ya).


P.S. I'm also proud of you for taking that huge
stride and leaving home to go to school. For most
people it's easy, but it isn't very easy to leave
the home you Castillo's built. I may not be a
Castillo, but I know how hard for me it was to
leave your home. I can't fathom what it must be
like for you. Well, all that and you're not being
bums like your older siblings. I'm partially joking
and saying that in a lighthearted manner, so don't
go telling the I said that.
Holla back.


Anonymous said...
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jeanene said...

Grief doesn't follow any sort of schedual. It isn't even linear. However, sharing it is often very helpful at least for a time. The sharpness fades over time but can revive at its most painful quite suddenly. Exploring memories is good. Be patient with yourself and remember how much you are loved.

Elena said...

So the week of midterms was horrible for me. Everything was so hard and I kept waiting for a text from Jamie to cheer me up. I knew I wouldn't get one but I still waited. I wanted one so desperately so it made it worse that it never came. I miss him too.


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